


Impossible Year

by throam (orphan_account)



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Ryan Ross - Fandom, brendon urie - Fandom
Genre: 2016 Ryden, Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-07-21 19:31:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7400947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/throam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>7 years since Ryan walked out of his life, like nothing had ever happened between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impossible Year

**Author's Note:**

> Songfic inspired by: Impossible Year - Panic! At The Disco

"Only black days and sky grey / And clouds full of fear"

He walked slowly out of the studio, into the pouring rain. Everything that had happened in the last 5 years suddenly meant nothing. He couldn't erase the memories of the last fight, the scarring words left behind. The feeling he got when Ryan told him that his life would be better without him, that he regrets everthing. The tears running down Ryan's face as he rushed to apologise. When he realised it was too late, and that his words were knives, leaving scars behind. 

"There's no good times / This impossible year"

The date is 7/6/2016. 7 years since Ryan walked out of his life, like nothing had ever happened between them. All of the memories of that day came flooding back, it had all happened so quickly. He remembers the look on Ryan's face as he left the studio for the last time, and how he beat himself up about it for years, knowing that it was all his fault. He cancelled tonight's show. He tried to let himself think that the fans didn't know why.

"All the guests at the party / They're so insincere"

He remembers how the fans reacted at their first show without Ryan & Jon. There was tears and anger. This really fucking annoyed Brendon, it's so fucking disrespectful how other people are angry at him, after he's just had the worst breakup of his life. There was no purpose to his life without Ryan, so why should there be a purpose to the band?

"Only heartache and heartbreak / And gin made of tears"

He remembers the taste of gin, from the night when he tried to drown away his problems in alcohol. He drank to forget about Ryan, to get over him. It would never work. Each day would drag on, taking him further away from the time where there was happiness in his life.

"There's no you and me"

Whenever Brendon hears of Ryan's name, he fills with hatred, only to block away the sorrow he feels. He paints over the feeling of emptiness with sheer bitterness, to hide the ugly truth, that he still loves him. He's never stopped loving him, but there's no fucking chance of it because they both lead their own lives now. He tells himself to get a fucking grip, it was years ago, and he needs to get over him. He fucking can't love him and that's the end of it.


End file.
